Congratulations, MamaGeek!

My blogging buddy, MamaGeek, has done it now. Twins!!

The way I figure it, with twin infants (twinfants?) and an almost three year old boy, I'll probably never hear from her again. But if I do, it should be good.

Wishing her and Sam scads of luck, joy, and sleep.

How to Pick a Baby Name

I have no idea.

It was pretty hard picking a name for MetaToddler. We didn't know his sex beforehand, either, so we had to pick a name for a boy and girl, just in case. In the end, we were really lucky he was a boy because we were only able to compromise on one name, and it wouldn't have worked for a girl.

Our problem is that MetaDaddy prefers something familiar, strong, traditional. I want a name that's unique and has character, but isn't so rare that people look at you funny when you say it. Having grown up with a name no one has ever heard of, I can assure you that getting through school is a tough row to hoe. If you're teacher can't get it right, well...you're screwed for that school year.

So, how did we find something that's unique enough to me, but strong and traditional enough for MetaDaddy? We went to Ireland. There are a lot of very unique non-American names, but like I said, I didn't want it to be too hard to spell or pronounce. So Niamh (pronounced like Neve) and the like were off the table. Oh sure, we considered them, but in the end, they just didn't last on the short list.

Here are some of the sites I visited often then, and have come back to a lot over the past few weeks:

Think Baby Names - Scroll through a whole bunch of popular names in the U.S., and several other countries.

Baby Names World - You can search by sex, cultural origin, popularity ratings, and various other criteria. Very refined results.

Baby Name Network - International names from various different cultures.

Baby Name World - International names from various different cultures.

Nymbler - Enter up to 6 names as "inspiration," and the Nymbler returns a bunch of names that you might like.

Name Nerds - Find yourself a good, strong Irish name :-)

So, in the end I've learned this. Picking a name for a human being other than yourself is a daunting challenge. How to do help this poor kid get through life without the embarrassment of a name that's too weak, unfamiliar, generic, etc. I know that you can come to appreciate your rare name, but heck, there's a whole lotta pain and suffering to get to that point. And honestly, if you're not leaving the kid a mega trust fund, it just hardly seems fair to pick celebrity names like Apple, Poppy Honey, Fifi Trixibelle or Moon Unit.

I'm just saying.

So, Who's the Potty Mouth?

This story was too funny to not share.

Have you ever worried about what expletive your kid might come out with? My mother-in-law shared a story that when her daughter was young (very young), she came out one day with "ammit!" while stomping her feet, and it was in perfect context. A few other friends have similar stories, all of which have definitely made me try to watch my occasional potty mouth around MetaToddler (note: when I'm tired, hungry or late, I never know what I'm going to say...unfortunately, these days I'm usually one of those three). Fortunately, I know a few potty phrases in Spanish, which MetaDaddy finds hilarious. It can be a very reverse Lucy & Ricky dynamic at the MetaHome.

So if you're interested, amused, or scared by the thought of your precious little angel cursing up a storm, an article from NPR to entertain and inform: Why Kids Curse.

A couple of excerpts not to be missed.

Max asked in a hushed voice: "Dad, do you know what the worst swear word of all is?"

His son then went on to explain that "damn" must be the worst. When Bloom asked why, his son said, "I listen to my babysitter talk on the phone, and she uses the 'f' word, and the 's' word, but she never says 'damn!'"

And something to set the delusional parent straight:

As an experiment with his children, Bloom and his wife tried their hand at creating their own family curse words.

"So one of them was 'flep,'" says Bloom. Whenever someone would bang their foot or hurt their toe, they'd scream "flep" as if it were an obscenity.

The experiment was very short-lived.

"It was a total failure," says Bloom. "The children looked at us as if we were crazy."

The story gives one of Bloom's mentors, Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker, a chuckle.

"Children are far more influenced by peers," says Pinker. "That's why kids of immigrants end up with the accent of their peer group rather than their parents."

Back to the drawing board, I suppose. Blurg!

The Joys of Parenthood

I got this via e-mail today, and I thought I'd share it with all of the pretty moms out there. Actually, I know dads can relate too, so it's really for all parents out there.

********************************************************
Before I was a Mom -
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every
10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

It's Not Easy Being...Parents

I like This American Life. I've been listening to it on KCRW for years. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry, but that usually involves David Sedaris (e.g., the squirrel and the chipmunk). Usually it just gets me thinking and relating to someone I never thought about before.

Today's episode touched home for me more than usual. The one hour was broken down into 3 segments:

Prologue - 10 minutes
Hard as it is to believe, during the early Twentieth Century, a whole school of mental health professionals decided that unconditional love was a terrible thing to give a child. The government printed pamphlets warning mothers against the dangers of holding their kids. The head of the American Psychological Association and even a mothers' organization endorsed the position that mothers were dangerous—until psychologist Harry Harlow set out to prove them wrong, through a series of experiments with monkeys. Host Ira Glass talks with Deborah Blum, author of Love at Goon Park: Harry Harlow and the Science of Affection.

Act One Love Is a Battlefield - 27 minutes
Alix Spiegel tells the story of Heidi and Rick Solomon, who adopt a son raised under terrible circumstances in a Romanian orphanage—so terrible that he's unable to feel attachments to anyone.

Act Two Hit Me with Your Best Shot. - 19 minutes
Dave Royko talks about the decision he and his wife faced about their autustic son's future, including whether their son should continue living with their family.

Being a parent isn't easy. Waking up at all hours, cleaning up all sorts of messes, teething, feeding, you know the rest. But no matter how hard I think it is, "Act One" put the whole parenting thing in check for me. I've got it easy. The second segment is by no means a walk in the park either, but it was "Act One" that really shook me. I cuddled Boogie that much more for seeming to love me as much as I love him.

I'm reminded of this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:

"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water."

A summary and some photos of the study referenced in the prologue is here. Careful though...you might just want to reach out and hug those poor little sad monkeys.

Accountant vs Stay At Home Parent

I worked as an accountant at various companies over the course of several years. I'm beginning to think that having worked as an accountant makes me appreciate being a stay at home parent today.

Being an accountant is thankless. No one cares about you until you make a mistake. No one wants to validate expenses; we're just a nuisance for requesting backup and information. It's a department usually outside of the realm of generating money for its company. It's just about support and oversight. Overhead. Its work is intangible, and as such not quantifiable.

Now I do things like clean, cook, bake, make baby food, shop, and play with Boogie and keep him safe and happy, all the while relieving my husband of some of the chores and errands he had to do back when we both worked. Yet, I still feel useful and productive. And it is in no way thankless, thanks to my boys, but there isn't the same kind of praise as if I was working in a different environment where everything well-done gets praised or highlighted. Getting that stain out of Boogie's clothes just doesn't elicit the same reaction :-P Someone asked me if i get bored as a SAHM. Are you kidding? Who has time to get bored? Besides, as a curious person, I've always been on the hunt for new information and to learn new things. So if I'm not doing something that *needs* to get done, or playing with my son (which is the whole point of this endeavor), I'm doing something that entertains me. There can be learning and growth in any of the challenges we take on, as long as we work to that end.

Intangible? Usually. Productive? Absolutely.

Those Sinister Golden Arches

Get Rich Slowly recently posted on how Marketing Affects How Children Perceive Food. Apparently, a study funded by Stanford University and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation suggests that children of preschool age prefer McDonald's food to non-McDonald's food. That is, even if they're being served carrots, they perceived them as tasting better if they were wrapped in McDonald's packaging.

THIS is something we're going to try to avoid. We don't like McDonald's. We don't like the food they serve or the way they hook kids as consumers. We don't mind if our son has treats and goodies, but we want him to respect the food he eats. We believe there's tastier food beyond McDonald's, and we're working on making dinner a family ritual (i.e., not just for special events) so that bonding takes place at home instead of fast-food restaurants. That said, I can only imagine how hard this will be. It reminds me of something Morgan Spurlock said in Super Size Me. From Mindfully.org:

"A physiologist explains that fast-food restaurants hook kids in early. With clowns, toys and a chance to spend quality time with Mom or Dad, fast food becomes linked psychologically with fun and comfort.

"That moves Spurlock to make an instant parenting decision on camera: 'When I have kids, every time I drive by a fast-food restaurant I'm going to have to punch them in the face.'"

I'm not going to punch our little Boogie, but a don't think I'm not tempted to smack him in the back of the head if it helps move us away far, far away from those sinister golden arches. And make note...I only said *tempted*...don't take this as anything more than that :-P

Making the Grade: Child Care Centers in Los Angeles

While we're not currently in need of child care, we don't know what the future holds. Besides, I'm always on the lookout for interesting and progressive programs that exist to help families in an era when being disconnected from family is so routine. In Los Angeles in particular, so many residents are transplants. A city like this needs as many resources as possible.

The Santa Monica Daily Press reported that Los Angeles County will begin a pilot program in 9 select cities in which a trained researcher will assess the quality of service of each provider and make that information available on the Web to parents. Steps to Excellence Program (STEP), similar in concept to the county's restaurant rating system, intends to measure the following 6 areas:

-Regulatory Compliance
-Teacher/Child Relationships
-Learning Environment
-Identification and Inclusion of Children with Special Needs
-Staff Qualifications and Working Conditions
-Family and Community Connections

The county's goals are to:

-Provide parents with clear, concise information on the quality of individual child care settings
-Create incentives and supports for programs to meet and maintain higher program standards
-Distinguish programs that are meeting these higher standards
-Provide benchmarks to determine if the quality of care in individual programs or communities is improving over time

The pilot phase, which began June 22, 2007, will last 3 years and is both free and voluntary. At an estimated annual cost of $500K, the program will begin posting results on their website in January 2008. They hope to recruit 200+ child care centers and 400 family child care homes in the following communities:

-Inglewood
-Palmdale
-Pomona
-Florence/Firestone
-Pacoima/Arleta
-Wilmington
-Long Beach
-Pasadena
-Santa Monica

Locally, Connections for Children, a non-profit resource and referral agency, will pilot the Santa Monica centers. So if you live or work in the area, you should consider contacting them for further information and assistance.

Dads in their 40s

Oh, how my husband's going to hate to see this post.

An article on fathers in their 40's caught my attention. As women are becoming parents later in life, so are men.

Per the article, fathers between 40 and 44 were up almost 18 percent from a decade ago while birth rates of children with fathers in their 20s dropped about 15 percent in that same period. "Two major trends in the dynamics of the modern family drive these statistics: Many men are waiting longer to have children as they pursue career goals, and many others, divorced or widowed, are remarrying and starting new families."

We know several men who became fathers for the first time after the age of 40, my husband included. Personally, I think he's much more mature and involved as a parent than he would have been a few years ago. He doesn't feel as compelled to work until 10 nightly, including weekends. He relishes in the time he spends with our son, whether it's changing diapers, giving baths, or playing peek-a-boo.

The article states that "by this point in some men's lives, a softer, easier temperament prevails." I didn't know my husband when he was 20, but I suspect that he's a bit more mellow now. Or so I hear ;-) He certainly doesn't overreact to things or obsess over nonsense, which I've seen plenty of maturity-lacking parents do. The article goes on to address a concern over age-sensitive issues like sports, though that was never a concern because my husband's never been the soccer/football/marathon type. That wasn't going to happen now or 20 years ago. He does however love mountain biking, and though I'm not excited about seeing them share that sport, I'm willing to let it happen...I just won't watch. It's something they can share, which can make one more mature, while keeping the other young. Which is which? Hmmm....



I suspect kids keep us all young, and sometimes, dare I say it, even I need a bit of youthful silliness to keep the wrinkles at bay.

Parental Myths That No Parent Will Tell You About

I don't have anything to add to this list. It just made me laugh, and cry a little. May you be as lucky ;-)

Parental Myths That No Parent Will Tell You About

Thanks to Thingamababy

Getting Locked Out

It was a fine spring day. We were up to our usual tricks...eating, napping, errands, playing, and so forth. I set all wee 20 lbs of him in his playpen for a minute while I went downstairs, keys in hand. I set them down as I got to the bottom of the stairs, but then I remembered I hadn't gotten the mail yet. So, I go outside, shut the door behind me...AND HAD A PANIC ATTACK!!!

Yes, the keys were on the stairs, and our door automatically locks. I didn't have my phone, which is the only way I know anyone's phone number any more. My husband was on a plane returning from a business trip. I knew this would happen one day, but honestly, I hoped it wouldn't. I realized I had to calm down and think it through. My son was in the playpen, so he was safe. I just had to get back in there before he realized I was gone and went into meltdown mode. I ran around the block to a local cafe and asked to borrow a phone and phone book. They didn't really want to give it over until I explained my situation, and only then with hesitation. Had they been scammed by panicked women looking to borrow a phone to call a locksmith? Did I really look like a threat? All 5 feet of me?

So, an employee lends me his cell phone and a phone book and I start looking for locksmiths who do emergency calls. The first one is on a call, but recommends another place. That second place said they could be over in 10 minutes. OMG!!! I return the phone and hightail it back to wait for the locksmith. Years later, he shows up (I'm sure it was no more than 10 minutes, but try and explain that to me in the moment) and he gets to work. The front door is a challenge, and we suspect the sliding door will be as well. So after 10 minutes of trying differnt things, he says we either have to try the back door, or take out the drills. I think he saw the pained look on my face, and I wondered "did I tell him there's a baby in there? I know I mentioned it to a lot of people, but was he one." So I say, holding back tears, "my son's in there." Now, he has a pained look on his face. I guess I hadn't told him. We go to the back door, he jumps the gate, and he's in within 30 seconds. He opens the front door and I run upstairs to see a crying little face. He had fallen asleep it seems until he heard the commotion.

I happily paid and tipped the locksmith and thanked him profusely, all the while holding my son tighter and tighter. Maybe subconsciously I was trying to make up for something? Or maybe I just didn't want to let go for fear of getting separated again. Either way, I didn't let go of him for a good while after that.

I'm reminded of this agonizing experience because of a recent post on Baby Toolkit. Getting locked out was hard for me, but at least I knew he was safe. After being on the fence about getting a playpen for him, I would recommend one to anyone simply for safety purposes. If you have to walk away or worse, you know he'll be safe. That's one less thing to panic about. The post goes into getting locked out of a car. That's a whole new level of panic. She gives some great info on what to do and what not to do. Most importantly, don't panic because you just can't think straight. Besides that, just keep the baby's best interest in mind...if you have to call 911, that's what they're there for. And as a preventative measure, hold your keys in your hand until you're in the drivers' seat. Seriously, the minute you set them down, they will get forgotten. Even my idiot-proof Jetta has almost locked me out (almost!).

Good Luck!

Dads as Entrepreneurs

Entrepreneur.com has an article on the creative side of dads. Being at home with a child makes you re-evaluate all of the little things you never used to care about...laundry detergent, toilet cleaner, toothpaste. Having to change habits and routines to accomodate a little one, a parent can accidentally stumble into brilliance. Mom's have been doing this a lot lately. But now that dads are spending more time raising their kids, they're starting to show off their clever side, too. Furniture, cleaning products, are medicine flavorings are mentioned.
Hey sweetie...got any good ideas yet? Or do you need a few more daddy-baby days?

Subjective parenting

Today I ran into my neighbor...figuratively, that is. We exchanged pleasantries. Apparently, she just got a dog. A puppy, in fact. She must be having a hard time because she said she now knows just how I feel because she hasn't slept in days.

OK...I wonder how the breastfeeding's going :-P

Once a Month Cooking

Get Rich Slowly's talking about "once a month cooking" these days. It's a very clever idea, but honestly, I don't think I'd be able to have the same/similar food one looooooooooong month. I like spending time in the kitchen trying out new recipes. That said, just before we had our son we knew time was going to be of the essence, so we did something along these lines. We cooked a large portion of a different freezable meal every day for about a week, ate from it that night, and froze the rest. From those efforts, we stockpiled about 4 weeks worth of food which carried us through those brutal, sleepless nights with our precious little bundle of joy ;-)
Going forward, we do something similar. When we make a meal that can be frozen, as long as we're not counting on the food for leftover purposes, we freeze it. This assures emergency meals that are better and more nutritious than store-bought frozen meals, and it means we're not eating the same leftovers for days, and days, and days.
Now all I need is a bigger freezer...*le sigh*

Save time - Read a Movie Spoiler

This is so exciting to me. I love movies, but we just haven't been able to see any lately. I can explain it away by reminding myself that I'll get to see them eventually, but eventually may never come because there just isn't always enough time. If I only get to see so many movies, I want the ones I see to be good. The Movie Spoiler is great because I get to feel like I saw a movie that I might have seen before, but probably won't get to see now.

Whirlpool Contest for Moms

If you're a mom (sorry dads) with a clever concept or idea, consider showing it off by entering Whirlpool's Mother of Invention Grant contest. The winner will receive $20k in seed money, as well as expert advice on making her dream a business reality. Starting your own business and keeping it running is tough, so this kind of support is invaluable. Bohemian Baby, a wonderful organic baby food manufacturer in the area, recently shut its doors due to lack of funding despite a devoted customer base.

There I go being pessimitic again. My point is, go forth and conquer. And if you win, let me know ;-)

Are School Events Scheduled for Non-Working Parents?

Dani Shapiro, a writer and mother, wrote a piece on the Huffington Post today about having to miss her 8 year old son's school play despite her best efforts to attend. She posed an interesting question that I have to wonder about myself. "Why would a performance of a school play be scheduled for nine o'clock in the morning?"

Since my son isn't of school age, I never think about stuff like this. But it does make me worry about the day I do. I don't plan on being a stay at home parent forever, so what kind of balancing act will my husband and I find ourselves in? And until then, there will surely be days when he will have to miss events because of work. Maybe I'm jumping the gun here, but the piece certainly made me pause for thought.