To whom it may concern,
You know that bag? That green bag that you found on the sidewalk today? The one filled with groceries. That was mine. I was the dummy who loaded myself up with an infant and running toddler to buy bread, avocados, potatoes, and other edibles, only to forget the bag next to my car because I was so distracted by the two year old who was trying to pounce on the 3 month old in her car seat. That green bag, which was heavy enough to leave marks on my arm that I can still see, had the ingredients for a yummy lentil dinner, and a nutritious vegetable soup. That green bag, which was gone despite driving back within 10 minutes of leaving it behind, held the first blueberries of the season, which MetaBoy was so excited about.
Let's not call it stealing, that thing you did where you took something that didn't belong to you. I'm going to picture you as someone who needed the food, and I hope that this actually did brighten your spirits for the coming week when we take that time to give thanks for things both big and small. I hope you do make that soup, and have a hearty sandwich with the nine grain bread, and finish all of the antioxidant rich blueberries. I hope you do because it will mean that my annoying sentiments toward you and my dulling mental performances were warrantless
Now that this issue is behind us, I'll rewrite my grocery list and go shopping again tomorrow. I'm hoping these groceries make it home, this time.
P.S. MetaBoy drooled on the lentils.