Monday, July 2, 2007

The Simpsons, Coming to a Kwik-E-Mart near you

If I didn't have a deep seeded prejudice against all foods lacking any nutritional content whatsoever, I would go out and raid my local Kwik-E-Mart for my fair share of Krustee-Os and Squishees.

7-11 will be "making over eleven of its stores in the U.S. and one in Canada as Kwik-E-Marts, in honor of the store owned by beloved Simpsons character Apu Nahasapeemapetilon." What? Not enough? How about this: They will be "sponsoring a contest where the winner will be animated in a future episode of the show."

In fact, the movie will have several corporate tie-ins, including Jet Blue, which has become the official airline of Springfield. The Simpsons' well hated Mr. Burns, in another of his crazy stunts, has even taken over Jet Blue founder David Neeleman's blog.

"I had Smithers hack your interwebular chronicle so I may set you straight, because lately, David Neeleman, your business practices really chafe my bed soars.

I believe customers have the right to keep quiet as I pluck every penny from their upturned pockets, but you insist on charging honest fares AND offering free TV and unlimited snacks. Mind your profit margins, man. Your rates make a mockery of the corporate greed our great confederacy was built upon. Who taught you to be a robber baron? Mother Theresa?"